A Tale of Four Pooches

Once upon a time on an island far away from the Australian mainland, there lived four little pooches.  

They were:

Cruise (the alpha male)

Brown Dog (beta male) 

Sam (the thinker)

Queenie (only female)

One day Cruise, Brown Dog, Queenie and Sam were hanging out on the edge of a main road, contemplating the myriad of stimulating and enjoyable activities they could engage in.

Brown Dog:  I love living here.  We have so much freedom.  If we lived in Cairns we'd be locked up behind a tall fence.

Cruise:  Yeah, we'd have to shit in our own yards.

Brown Dog:  Too right.  The council here are great.  They never pick us up and take us to the pound like they do to roaming dogs in Cairns.  

Sam:  That's an interesting point, Brown Dog, because there are local laws that council are supposed to exercise. Taking roaming dogs to the pound is one of those laws.

Queenie:  I tend to agree with you, Sam.  Think about it, Cruise and Brown Dog. Catherine Titasey was bailed up by three dogs last Tuesday and she complained to council who did nothing. The next day her friend Eileen was bailed up by those same dogs.  If council had done their job, neither of them would have been put in a position where they thought they were going to be ripped to pieces by large, angry dogs.

Cruise:  It's not like they got bitten.  Why are they complainin'?  No one else does.

Brown Dog:  Good job council keep ignoring Catherine Titasey. She'll give up soon.  She did a couple of years ago.

Cruise:  Anyway, who does she think she is comin' here and tellin' council what they gotta do?  Writin' letters thinkin' anyone's gonna do what she says. 

Sam:  She actually has a point.  It's about making sure people are responsible when they own dogs.

Cruise:  We're on an island.  We do things different here.

Queenie:  Cairns is on an island, too.

Brown Dog:  Puh! We're just enjoying our natural environment.

Cruise:  I'm sick o' hearing about Catherine Titasey trying to stop us roaming. 

Brown Dog:  I'm bored.  What are we going to do?

Queenie: I'm tired (yawn) of listening to you two.  You have no idea.

Sam: It's about education and helping people to understand their responsibilities.  It impacts on many other aspects of being a responsible citizen and worker and parent ...

Cruise:  Shut up, Sam.  Let's have sex.  

Queenie:  Not again.  I understand how Catherine and Eileen feel.

Brown Dog:  Give it a rest, Queenie.  Looking good.  Smelling good, too.

Sam:  I know exactly what you mean, Queenie, but I just can't bear to stand by and watch.

Cruise:  That was great.  I feel like a million bucks.

Brown Dog:  Mmm. My turn.

Queenie:  Get away, Brown Dog. No, no, no.  No more sex.

Cruise:  You're complainin' now.  Women, always complainin'.

Brown Dog:  Can you make it right for me, Cruise?

Cruise:  One way or another, I will, brother.

Queenie:  I'm sick of you and Brown Dog jumping on me. Brown Dog, get your nose out of my privates!  Sam is the only one who respects me and treats me like a human being.

Cruise:  That's cos he bats for the other team, Queenie.

Queenie: I said, get out, Brown Dog.

Sam: Gentlemen, I've said this before, but maybe one day it will click.  You need to respect the right of a woman ...

Cruise: I'll leave Queenie alone just to shut you up, Sam.  You're as bad as that Catherine Titasey.

Cruise:  Don't mind me, Brown Dog.  I said I'd make it right for you.

Sam:  It's a win win, Queenie.  I learned that when I did a dispute resolution course.

Queenie:  I don't know what I'd do without you, Sammy Boy.  

Cruise: This is better than I thought.

Brown Dog:  You can make it right, any day, brother!

Sam:  Boys will be boys (exasperated sigh).

Cruise:  Why didn't I think of this before?  I wouldn't have had to put up with Queenie whingein'.

Queenie:  There go a couple of the council executives.  Cruise and Brown Dog, you need to stop now.

Brown Dog: It's all good, sister. 

Queenie:  But that is not acceptable behaviour.  You have to stop, Cruise.

Sam: Enough's enough, boys.  

Queenie: You heard Sam.  Get off him, Cruise.

Sam:  Don't bother, Queenie.  Maybe one day they'll grow up and start making good choices.

Cruise:  Okay, okay.  I'll stop.  I can't stand the complainin'  You two happy now?

Brown Dog:  But I'm bored.  What can we do?

Cruise:  I dunno.  Let's have sex!