Santa Claus and the magic zero

I just read on The Drum that earlier this week, Kitty Flanagan, a guest on The Project (had to Google that one) disclosed to viewers Santa ‘doesn’t even exist.’  Parents took to Twitter and Facebook to condemn the program for spoiling their children’s Christmas joy.  There was even an article in The Age titled ‘How The Project ruined Christmas for many families.’

     Here are some tweets.  Naturally, the critical Facebook posts have been removed from The Project's profile.

Mardi Radford @MardiradfordB

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@theprojecttv you're a disgrace. Now I can't watch my fav news program without fear of what might be said while my kids are in the room!

11:55 PM - 9 Dec 2014

Sara Victoria @thegreenroomAP

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@theprojecttv have only just got my kids to sleep.Tears,heartbreak & questions re Santa tonight.Appalled and very angry - can't fix this one

10:19 PM - 9 Dec 2014

  

Here’s how The Project repaired the damage on Facebook.

The Project

December 10 · Edited

Dear Mums and Dads,
Last night’s comments by Kitty were completely unplanned and we unreservedly apologise for upsetting our family viewers.
Last night was Kitty’s final performance for the year on The Project but neither she nor our show would intentionally offend kids like this just before Christmas.

Tonight we will be crossing to Santa in the North Pole so he can clear up any confusion for our younger viewers.

Best regards,
The Project

     First I wondered why children would be watching such a program and secondly, why parents don’t complain as fiercely about coarse language, moderate violence and sexual references endemic in PG films and programs, for example Home and Away.  

     Finally, I decided those parents were stupid if they couldn’t calm their distressed child by simply saying, ‘Honey, that women gets paid to tell jokes.  Don’t listen to her twaddle.’ 

     Then I remembered I had already spoiled this Christmas for a class of eleven year-olds. And like The Project, I was quick to make amends the following day.

     Not long ago I was teaching two-digit multiplication and not sure what students knew and could do, I went back to the beginning.  They all understood the first step, multiplying the one (place value) in a two-digit sum, for example, 26 x 15, they successfully multiplied 26 by 5. 

     ‘What do I do now?’

     ‘Add the magic zero,’ most of them said.

     ‘The what?’  I've long believed the magic zero in maths is worse than the Santa conspiracy.

     ‘The magic zero!’ Students jumped from their seats.  ‘The magic zero!’

     Of course, I asked about this magic zero and they stared at me.  

     Eventually, one studious girl gathered enough courage to say, ‘you put the magic zero in the ones column.’

     ‘But why?’ I asked and was met with blank faces, even that of the studious girl.

     I explained the next step is multiplying by a number with a place value of 10 and the multiple  indeed has this fabulous, but not-so-magic 0 on the end of it.  I got them to answer sums I scribbled on the white board.

     ‘See, there’s nothing magic going on,’ I said.

     ‘But we’ve been taught it’s a magic zero.’

     ‘Ah, I said.  It’s a bit like,’ and I paused, calculating the average age of the students, 11 and certain no one at 11 could possibly believe in Santa I continued.  ‘It’s a bit like Santa.  He’s magic when you’re young, but when you grow up you learn Santa is not real.  The magic zero seems amazing and magic until you work out multiplying a whole number by 10 means the last digit must be a zero. It’s simple.’

     It was simple. No one accused me of heresy and most students successfully completed a series of two-digit algorithms.   

     It was one of my most successful maths lessons.  It really was simple until ….

     Until … the next day in the same class I received a phone call from the deputy principal, DP.

     ‘I’ve just had a call from an angry parent claiming you told her daughter yesterday Santa wasn’t real.’

     ‘Yes, of course and I told the class the magic zero wasn’t real.’  I explained what had happened.

     The DP, who I think is wonderful and understood my predicament (she also condemned the magic zero), related the parent’s concern. The daughter had come home in tears because Mrs Titasey said Santa wasn’t real (the not-so-magic zero disclosure wasn’t a problem, thankfully).

     ‘A parent needs to break the news about Santa,’ said the DP.

     Of course, I had to reverse the damage.  I found the child, outlined my comments were not true and Santa was is, in fact, very real and apologised profusely.

     The poor love, bit on her lower lip and gazed at me with saucer shaped eyes.  Eventually she nodded with relief and ran out to little lunch.

     I was stressed. I had probably caused serious psychological damage to the rest of the class for years to come.  I’d had my first parent complaint.  My teaching career was over thanks to a fictitious fat man in a red and white suit who lives in the North Pole!  Outside I found a teacher I had relieved for and confessed my crime.

     ‘Have I really screwed up?’

     ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she laughed.  ‘Mind, you, you won’t get more teaching work here.’  She saw my panic.  ‘I’m only joking. Seriously don’t worry about it.’  She doubled over laughing. ‘It’s just that it’s so funny.’

     In the staffroom, the DP and principal had a great giggle about what I’d be getting from Santa at Christmas and for a few days, I was the butt of very funny Santa jokes.

     In eighteen months of teaching, I can honestly say that the one thing I taught that was absorbed and demonstrated accurately was my disclosure about Santa.  Nothing else has been so readily understood.

     So why don’t kids lap up all the good stuff they hear in class or see on screens?

     Buggered if I know, but I have been on tenterhooks every time I’ve entered a classroom.  Correcting the spoiler won't always work so well and I don’t have the resources to arrange a video link with Santa in the North Pole like The Project.  Who cares, really?  I need to find a job working with adults.