Ilan Life: Follow your truth

Last Monday I did a shop at IBIS and was overcharged $21. Ho hum, another overcharge from IBIS. The week before it was $1.80.

This time, however, it wasn’t a scanning error. It was human error for a change, but hey, who cares? It was ANOTHER f…..g error in favour of IBIS. So I traipsed back and waited and waited for the line at the checkout to thin and eventually claimed my refund. The staff are so sweet it breaks my heart complaining.

It breaks my heart that I am faced with repeated pricing errors and other injustices (these are just the current list).

Why do I have to be attacked so frequently by dogs?

Why do I have to find the most neglected dog the police had ever come across?

Why do I have to be overcharged so often at IBIS?

These things shouldn’t have happened and each one has resulted in me writing, to complain, to the relevant body, ad nauseum.

Does it only happen to me or are other people simply too lazy or afraid to complain? Is it because I am a lawyer and must expose wrongs so they can be righted? Is it because I have a strong sense of justice and don’t want other people to experience the terror of being bitten by an angry dog or the heartbreak at seeing a dog limping on a broken limb and stinking with gangrene?

As I pondered my predicament Henry appeared. I gave him the run down.

‘Henry, why is it happening to me?’ I pleaded. ‘I just want to live a happy, peaceful life. I don’t want conflict. I don’t want vicious or neglected dogs, I don’t want overcharges at IBIS. I want everyone to be happy. Is the universe telling me something? Why me? What do I do?’

‘Ask the duck,’ he said and left.

Aside from the fact the duck has a name, he had a point.

I went downstairs with a cup of tea and settled on the grass with Pepper Zen. She’s a neat little unit when she’s not chasing flies. She sits with a bemused expression, part wonder, part wisdom. An oblong of pale yellow fluff, her neck curling backwards so her golden bill rests against her chest.

Pepper in her fly-hunting stance. Few flies escape her stealth and accuracy.

I related my concerns to Pepper and asked, ‘What am I supposed to do?’

She quacked, no word of a lie. ‘Follow your truth.’

Shit, I thought, I wanted an easy answer. Pepper Zen was right, as an enlightened being would be. That meant I had to take ‘the journey.’ Damn it. I will have to do all the sitting and thinking stuff and get transcendent. I will have to be and accept. I am not sure what I have to accept, but I know acceptance is high on the ‘how to become enlightened’ checklist. Oh, my God, I might even have to accept aggressive dogs.
I will surrender and find my truth, but there are a few things I will not negotiate that usually go with treading the path of oneness or to oneness or whatever the phrase is.

I will not give up caffeine and powdered milk.

I am not drinking herbal tea or eating goji berries and quinoa (which is correctly pronounced kwin-oh-huh) or anything that is referred to as a ‘super food’.

I will not wear cheesecloth and I refuse to give up Lycra and spandex even if they are hopelessly unsuitable in the tropics.

I maintain my inalienable right to eat gluten, all things GM and unorganic and salt (except blue salt, red salt, rock salt and Celtic salt). And use full strength deodorant with aluminium, erudium and other iums that mean it prevents foul odours for 24/7 (which I need if I am wearing spandex)

And finally, I will not detox or have colonic irrigation or juice.

Other than that, I look forward to enlightenment.

One of my first attempts at being. According to reliable feng shui authorities, water increases chi or qi which is said to be very important in achieving an equilibrium of mind and body. This is very good for enlightenment.