Lost: Parenting manual

If anyone has borrowed my parenting manual, please return it.  I actually don’t remember what it looks like, but I must have had one because I use all the right instructions and for the most part, issue them in a calm and controlled voice. 

     Things are spiralling out of control without Tony here and last night’s episode reminded me I need some help.  It was like this:

     Seffy was sitting on the floor reading a greeting card.  An altercation broke out between her and Kibby, nothing unusual, but Kibby kicked at the card, knocking it from Seffy’s hands.

     “That’s not okay,” I said in my stern parenting-manual voice.  “Go to your room.”    Sage advice also from the parenting manual; time-out diffuses emotionally charged situations.

     Kibby pursed his lips and delivered another kick to Seffy’s card.

     “Right, that means no Minecraft tomorrow.”  An immediate and relevant consequence according to the manual.

     Kibby sneered, not unlike those gangsters on movie ads and bellowed.  

     “I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, MOTHER FUCKER.” 

     I waited for the pistol.  Instead Kibby marched to his room and slammed the door, the crack of splintering wood echoing off the plaster walls.

     “Mum," said Seffy when all was silent.  "He’s got anger management issues. He needs to see someone.”

     So if anyone has my parenting manual or a spare copy, I’d really appreciate it.